Jimmy Greaves Must Be Turning in his Grave

I went on record yesterday as saying that I didn’t care how poor we played against Chelsea so long as we got a result but I’ve never come nearer to trashing my TV screen than watching the dross tonight! I am fuming beyond words (though, clearly, not too fewer words as my latest rant kicks off). The Gooners win the title and West Ham must be licking their lips at the reprieve they’ve been given!

Was that the worst performance of the season? No, it wasn’t. In fact we looked quite comfortable in some spells. Chelsea didn’t really threaten other than the two clinical finishes that showed the chasm in difference of class. Chelsea had a midfield comprising of two £100M+ rated players and Cole Palmer, who oozed class on the ball and probably wouldn’t cost much less. Yet, still, they didn’t dominate Us. Sure, their passing was crisper and their movement was sharper but, in the end, the only thing that separated them from us were two goals created out of absolutely nothing by the clinically sublime skills of Enzo.

So, why was I so angry? We must currently have the worst forward line ever to don our beloved colours! I initially accepted that, with our chronic injury list, DeZerbi had absolutely no choice but to field our only three fit ‘recognised strikers’ but, honestly, I bet we’d have been infinitely better off selecting the boys from Our under-18 team rather than relying on Kolo Muani, Tel and Richarlison! Our Premiership survival relies on these three clowns putting the ball in the net and getting a result against Everton on Sunday and, if the Toffees score first, I honestly think we are doomed!

Kolo Muani reminds me of the story of the African ‘player’, Aly Dia who was signed by Southampton manager Graeme Souness, after Souness received a phone call purporting to be from Liberian international and then-FIFA World Player of the Year George Weah.

"Weah" told Souness that Dia was his cousin and had played for Paris Saint-Germain as well as 13 times for his country and should give him a chance at Southampton. None of this was true and the phone call to Souness was a hoax. Souness was convinced and, without any due diligence, Dia was signed on a one-month contract. Remind you of any particular recruitment team or our number 39? Is it only me who remembers him being clean through for France in the dying moments of the World Cup final against Argentina only to fluff his golden opportunity and ultimately cost them the game when it went to extra time?

Absolutely ****ing awful. He should never be allowed to wear our shirt again! But, it’s not just him! Tel is just as useless in front of goal and, for all of his supposed untapped potential, he has no end product whatsoever! There was no movement from our front line at all tonight and, for all our spells of superior possession, the midfield had nobody to pass the ball forward to and we just ended up playing Thomas Frank football working wur way to the final third and then going backwards again! Fine, if you’re not losing and only need a point but dreadful to watch.

There is no doubt that, over the years, we have been spoiled something rotten with the quality of the forward talent that we’ve been blessed to watch. Greaves, Brown, Chivers, Gilzean, Allen, Lineker, Sheringham, Klinsmann, Keane, Defoe, Pavlyuchenko, Crouch, Berbatov, Bale, Kane and Son. Superstar heroes whose names just roll off the tongue. Of course, We have also had Booth, Rebrov, Soldado and Jansen but none of them have been as poor as the three clowns We currently have to endure. Okay, Richarlison chips in with a few goals here and there from point blank range but his scoring to chances ratio is nowhere near good enough to keep us challenging any higher up the table. Tel gifted a penalty to Leeds last week and Kolo Muani’s awful pass to gift Chelsea their second goal was so bad that he’s been credited with the assist! Richarlison apart, it says everything when both our first choice centre backs, Joao Palhinha and the ‘own goals for scored’ have all outscored Tel, Kolo Muani, Odobert, Kudus and Solanke! Midfielder Enzo, in an ordinary Chelsea side, has scored more than all of them put together! You could dig Jimmy Greaves up now, God rest his soul, and place his coffin on the eighteen yard box and he’d still have more chance of scoring than the Frenchmen!

Dear God, please let us turn up against Everton and play like our lives depend on it! Let’s earn the right to remain in the top flight by actually winning the game and not relying on the Hammers to falter! Wouldn’t it be ironic if we survived by virtue of goal difference with a ‘strike force’ like ours?

God! It’s so, so hard to keep the faith with some of the no-hopers we continue to field but it’s only a few more days to endure and the suffering will be over. Please don’t let there be a repeat of 1935 when the Gooners won the title and we were relegated! COME ON YOU SPURS!